Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Golf Digest is now mocking me personally

I mentioned last year I fell in love with a pair of Polo Golf pants. I don't own them; they may not exist.

First, I couldn't find them on Polo's website. Then, I couldn't find them in local Polo stores. Then, I called Polo, e-mailed them an picture of the pants, and they couldn't find them (I received a $10 Polo gift certificate for my troubles).

Meanwhile, I sent e-mail to the writer connected to the Golf Digest article, only to get it bounced back due to some sort of e-mail error. I got so disappointed I wrote a letter (an actual letter on paper) to the writer, along with some editors asking why they would put clothes in the magazine that can't be found in the real world.

So, what photo shows up in the most recent issue of Golf Digest?

Checkerboard pants!

They must hate me.

Playing Golf 1/8

Course: Little Bennett
Score: ??? (more on that later)
Best Club: 3 wood
Worst Club: Driver
Highlights: Scoring par on the par-3 8th hole.
Lowlights: Losing two three balls on the par-5 14th (also, more on that later)

Here’s a Golfing Negro rule. If it is January, the high temperature is in the 60s and I am not working, I’m playing golf.

Unfortunately for me, I didn’t set a tee time, although most courses frown on tee times for singles. When I got to the Little Bennett clubhouse and announced I was a single with no tee time, I was told I could fit in with the group going to the tee right now. Whoops, no warm up. No problem, I though. I’ve been using the Birdieballs in the backyard; my swing will be fine.

While positive thinking is a good thing, it is not infallible. While I wasn’t hideous, most of my approach irons were pushed to the right and the driver was less than Fred Funk straight.

I wasn’t playing well, but I was having fun. That is, until the 14th hole. It is a 500+ yard par-5 that doglegs left. It also, thanks to mounds on the left side, is a blind shot to get to the green. After putting two balls in the woods to the left (thanks to pulls most likely due to adjusting my hand position with the driver off the tee to hit a draw), I dropped past the Titleist eating ravine and hit hybrid onto the fairway. At 250 yards out, I hit a low draw with my 3-wood that a playing partner said would end up really good. I never found the ball, and just gave up for the hole. The next hole is a 215 yard par-3; downhill but into the wind. I hit a 5-iron that was going right for the pin. No one in the foursome could see the ball land, but the thought was it certainly wasn’t long and most likely was just short of the green if not on it. I couldn’t find that ball either. Losing balls from bad swings is understandable. Losing balls from good swings is mind numbing to the point I didn’t want to keep score anymore. Not that that USGA was going to want a copy of the scorecard due to my excellence anyway.

It is good thing I enjoyed myself, as winter is coming back to the Washington DC area. So long playing golf until the end of March.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Found it!

Found the missing 'ball' Sunday morning inside the near curb. The 'ball' must have spun back against the curb.

I'm still the worst golfer alive.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Nothing is impossible when you suck

I prove once again I may be the worst golfer in the world.

My Mother bought be a set of Birdieballs for a Christmas gift this year. Birdieballs are limited distance plastic practice 'balls'. They go a maximum of approximately 60 yards, no matter what club you hit them with. They also spin like real golf balls; if you hit one with an open club face, the 'ball' will slice.

In anticipation of 60 degree weather around here while I'm on vacation, I take the box of twelve out, along with an 5 iron and a 7 iron, to the backyard for some practice. And I need it, as the pulls have come to my home for the winter. Adding insult to injury is the fact that, from where I am swinging, sever pulls leave my yard and hit the street (slices hit the house; I tagged my home once, causing no damage).

Starting with the 7 iron, I put a few 'balls' on the sidewalk outside my yard. the didn't go far and were easily retrievable. I switched to the 5 iron (the 'balls' do go farther with a lower lofted club, but not much farther) and put a couple over the fence. The first was also easily retrievable. The second 'ball' I could hear hit concrete. I went to look for it, and couldn't find it.

To sum up, I lost a training 'ball' which, by design, should be almost impossible to lose. Perhaps I'll be able to find it tomorrow, when it is sunny.